Jenny comes in with an idea that might put them on the wrong track, "look, if I go to the ladies and get changed, into some of this lot, and then come into the bar and meet up with you there; I can start a bit of a disagreement between us over different fashion and decency standards."
"That would be a good one, shhh. There they go, Jenny could leave here first as there will be a fair queue for the ladies, we can leave a few seconds later and go straight into the marquee"
"Where do I go?" asks Jenny.
"Of course, you’ve never been here, Harry, you go first; we will leave in a bit." Harry leaves grinning from ear to ear under his face paint. "He’s looking forward to getting one over on Ken & Sue, I wonder if something else is going on as well that he’s not telling. So are you going to start yelling at me or going straight for the jugular when you berate my standards?"
"If I tell you, you won’t be suitably surprised when I start up, will you?"
"Yes dear. Let’s go."



Chapter Five
Deception
We leave the bar, and go down the steps, turning left towards the exit for the toilets, downhill to the toilets and I tell her once she has changed, to go out the door at the end and find us in the marquee, Jenny goes into the ladies with her carrier bags, and I go into the gents, I might as well since I’m here. When I leave the gents, a queue has formed at the ladies; that could be because of Jenny changing in there, evil I know, but I have to chuckle to myself.
As I go outside I am struck by how warm it seems to be getting, well, it was a warm front that gave us the rain yesterday, so I shouldn’t be that surprised. In the Marquee it is easy to spot who I am looking for, they are fairly striking after all, and when I get to Sue and Val I lower my box and jacket to the concrete.
"Hi Sue, Val, is anyone in the queue yet or am I to have the honour of being the first to open my wallet?"
"Ken’s over there, behind Harry, he got here first, I thought he was rushing for the toilet, so he could hide and avoid the first round."
"So where is Jenny?" "How did the shopping go?" "Did she spend a lot of your money?" "What did she get?" If they had rehearsed it they couldn’t have got the timing better as they asked alternate questions; it was only when they heard themselves that they burst out laughing and had to stop.
"Right, here we go, Round one question one, Jenny is in the ladies, getting changed, Question two, the shopping went very well considering the difference in our ages and fashion sense, in which I am apparently sadly lacking, my turn for a question now, do either of you know of an underwear shop here or do we have to cross the river?"
"I thought you passed one down the road a bit opposite the Two Brewers," said Val.
"We probably did then, Hertfordshire Holly were dancing near there, we watched them, Jenny wasn’t impressed, so we’ll go back there after the lunch break. To continue with the questioning, fourthly, she didn’t spend any of my money, she wouldn’t let me pay, next, you will see some of what she bought when she comes in? I was allowed after much protest to buy her a half pint tankard, I told her it was traditional that your first tankard is always a gift; don’t rock the boat, please." Ken and Harry return with four full tankards which are duly handed round."You should have tapped us when we were getting these we could have saved you queuing again."
"I don’t know what Jenny will want; I might as well wait till she gets here and let her read the tasting notes.
"Here she comes," says Harry, who is facing the entrance, she looks great in the off-white flared skirt with the white floral blouse open down the front tucked into the waistband of the skirt and the orange strappy top under it.
Sue and Val are either side of Harry, Ken is next to Sue so if we open the circle there is space for Jenny between me and Ken. We open the circle to make space for her and she speaks to me first, in a fairly sharp tone, "You perv, I wondered why you were keen on this skirt, now I know, I was checking my appearance in the full length mirror at the top of the corridor, and against the light this skirt is practically see through, I think I will go and put my trousers back on." Harry, who is facing her and looking into the light, comes to my defence.
"What do you mean? I’m looking into the light and it looks perfectly ok to me, what do you think Val? Or am I a perv as well?"
"Sorry Jenny, I know we are all a different generation to you, but I think you look really good, do you know what this makes me think of? And Jenny, you probably won’t have a clue what I’m talking about, back in 1980 or 81 there was a lot of fuss over some pictures that a newspaper had of Lady Di, while most photographers at an arranged photo call were taking front view pictures, a couple of them sneaked round behind her and took some pictures against the light, again as with you now, her legs were in silhouette, the fuss was that she was a prospective royal and that the picture breached royal protocol. So unless you can show that you have royal connections, you will just have to accept that Frank has an eye for making a girl look good, what else do have? As an outfit what you have on matches together marvellously did you get it as an outfit?
"No, these came from two different shops, as to the rest of it, so far I have a skirt that is too short, I don’t have the legs for it, a jacket, a cardigan and a couple of dresses; and I do still need undies, "
"We have already discussed your undies or the lack of them, you were too busy watching Hertfordshire Holly to look around you, and there was lingerie shop behind or facing you, near the Two Brewers.
"How about christening your tankard then Jenny, I have the tasting notes for what is available, have read through and let me know what you fancy"
"I have a question, was Frank spinning me a line about the traditions surrounding the gifting of tankards.
"Do you mean that you don’t buy your own first tankard, if so that’s true?"Answered Sue. "However who first fills it is entirely up to you. Have you made any sense of the notes?"
"No, afraid not, I am by choice a wine drinker, I don’t know what hoppy or malty even mean. I haven’t tasted either,"
"Look everyone, give her a taste of each of what we have, then she can have one of those or pick something different,
"I’m on Lunchbreak," says Ken try a drop of this."
"There’s a lot of bitterness in it and not a lot sweetness or alcohol to off-set it"
"I’m on Frigging" says Harry try this."
"That’s nicer, sweeter but stronger I think"
"I’m drinking XT," from Val,
"Not too sure about that, I don’t like the aftertaste."
"Finally this is an IPA with a top." From Sue.
"All can notice is the lemonade, although the beer isn’t offensive,
"So what’s it to be then, Friggin’ in the rigging, or something else,"
"What are you having, I could have a taste of that as well, couldn’t I?"
"I’ll have Nelson’s Blood, anyone need a refill?" All declines the offer, so I head towards the bar with Jenny following close behind, it will take a couple of minutes to get served so while I am waiting I ask if that is all the anger she can generate.
"That was more than enough of a display to make Ken pay for the beer; but it was amazing how everyone came to your defence."
"That’s because I’m right, you really look good, nobody commented on having your hair down; and the skirt is translucent not see through. Modest as well aren’t I? Pint of Nelson’s please" My beer is handed over and Jenny takes a sip,
"I’ll have that please"
"Another Half of Nelson’s please." I pay for the beer and turn to face Jenny," you are beautiful, a proper flower, thank you for being here for me."
"Now, now, we have to make like we aren’t keen on each other for a bit longer, how long till the Bounty Hounds start," I look to the ‘stage’,
"They are in position, they will start soon. Have you seen much live music?"
"Would you believe I have never seen live music on this sort of scale? My sister had a band at her wedding reception. Band and guests together totalled less than one hundred."
"Right let’s get back to the rest, see if you can find another sharp remark, then we will go up front to watch and listen.
Ken asks "What did she decide on, Frigging?"
"No, I have found a lady of rare taste and refinement with an educated palate who knows good ale when she finds it, this lady drinks of Nelson’s Blood."
"Hey Sue, Guess what Jenny’s on."
"Frigging" "No, Nelsons Blood"
"Wow I don’t know how she can."
"How can you drink that, Jenny? It’s horrible, like drinking tar,"
"It would appear that my taste in beer is better than Frank’s sense of decency when it comes to clothes"
"If my taste is that bad, try the other skirt and the cardigan instead of that skirt and blouse next time you go to the ladies, let everyone else vote when you get back. Looser buys. Ok."
"Ok, but I can’t be bothered to wait, I’m going now."
"What’s got into Jenny today, she was happy enough this morning, what happened?" Asked Ken.
"I don’t know, I have never claimed to understand women, if she asks for an opinion I will give it, if she doesn’t like it it’s not my problem."
"You didn’t give an honest opinion about clothes to a woman? You did, didn’t you? No wonder you’re in the mire!" I look into my Nelson’s Blood and smile from ear to ear; I might have got one past Ken. Yippee!
We are in practically in the same positions as when Jenny came in first time round, and this time, because more people have moved to the front for the Bounty Hounds there is a lot more space for her to fill as she enters the Marquee, she looks stunning, the skirt is short, nearly six inches above her knees, she has good legs, the green of the skirt meshes perfectly with the orange of her top, and the cashmire sweater worn unbuttoned seemed to cling to her top accentuating her figure, as she approached her smile was nearly as broad as mine, but nobody was looking at her face.
"Ok folks," I say, "Time to vote, do I have any form of acceptable dress sense when it comes to ladies clothing, and will those in favour please raise your tankards.
"By a vote of five to one, I declare that Jenny is getting the beer in!" Jenny comes to me and quietly asks do I look nice?"
"Everyone here thinks you look great, didn’t you look in that mirror when you left the ladies? Of course you did, and because you did you know it as well as I." The Bounty hounds fire up at this point so I have to lean close to her to ask.
"How do we find out about the bet? I want to hold you; I know the dispute is phoney. What do we do next?"
"I don’t know, maybe you can talk to Harry, see if Ken or Sue has given in."
"Ok if I get the beer in then bladder pressure will give me a chance to talk to Harry."
"No, I lost, I have to buy the beer," turning to the others, she asks, "Right, I have to get them in, who wants what, Speak now or go without."
"Lunchbreak, Frigging, XT and IPA and One and a half Nelson’s Blood is the total order, I carry the men’s tankards, Jenny has the ladies tankards, we get to the front and after a very short wait we get the beer in. Jenny, of course, pays. I am beginning to think that she has standards very close to my own. We get the drinks back to the others who have managed to get a table, as we sit together; we hear that they will be dancing again at two thirty.
"Where are you planning on dancing?" I ask.
"Probably at the Two Brewers or the French Hospital, then try for a spot at the War Memorial, if we can’t get in there we will move round the corner to Ye Arrow. The Bounty Hounds start playing Honour and Praise, "Here you go this is what it’s supposed to sound like;
"On a fine summers morning we lay at the Quay,
The holds were filled high with the treasures of the sea,
So that they could be transported by men such as we,
To homeland and for queen. And so on....
At the end of the song Jenny is looking very moist in the eyes, there is a story in there and I would like to know more, but I won’t mention it, I hope others don’t either.
The next song is another Fairport standard, written by John Richards and titled The Deserter, this is a lament for the execution of World War One shell shock victims, I don’t know why, but all these songs about W.W.1 really get to me, No-one in my family tree on either side were significantly involved, I suppose someone will come up with a psychobabble explanation for it.
"Well it’s twenty past two, bottoms up; it’s time we were getting going again. Are you going to play along for a couple Frank? If you don’t it’s a waste of energy carting that about all day, or is it a status symbol?
"I might well, later on, but first I have to go to the gents,"
"No ribald comments but I had better as well." Says Harry, "Back in a minute."
As we are standing in the queue for the gents I ask Harry if he knows anything about the bet he says "I know nothing but Val is doing a lot more smiling at Sue since Jenny had a go at you, If I go back first, I’ll listen for any clues, give me a minute." As it happens, he passes Jenny in the corridor on his way back, to the table. As Harry sits again to finish his Frigging. Sue announces "All right, I was wrong; I could have sworn they were close, sorry dear, your beer fund just took a hit,"
"Don’t worry about it, I thought you were right as well, I’m glad I didn’t up the stakes to Sunday as well! Still it’s not too bad, A round in Ye Arrow when we finish and a couple more here on the way back won’t clear me out, But you are buying tomorrow," he said looking straight at Sue and winking. I return to the table and down the last of my beer, and seeing Jenny’s isn’t empty "I assume Jenny’s gone to the ladies, is she coming back or are we meeting outside." Shrugs all around.
"Right I’ll wait here for her; we will probably listen to the rest of the set while we have another one and catch you later outside or at Ye Arrow."
I settle in for a bit of a wait and after another couple of minutes, she comes in to the marquee, I stand up to make sure she sees me and after looking all around, crosses to me puts her arms around my neck and kisses me soundly, I instantly put my arms around her waist and rest my hands on her bottom, this lasts a few seconds and as we let each other go, she again looks around. "Feel better now?" she asks, eyes shining brightly as she looks into my eyes. I nod.
"Good, has everyone gone?" "Yes thankfully, otherwise the cat would most definitely be out of the proverbial bag, "Would you like another one," I ask raising my tankard, "we could then move closer to the front for the rest of the set." "Please, I could get taste for that." I go to the bar while Jenny watches our stuff, I watch her while I slowly progress to the front, and she keeps looking down at her legs, almost as though see doesn’t think they are hers. "Pint of nelsons please and half of Hobgoblin please." Let’s see if she notices the difference, I pay for the drinks and go back to the table and sit to her left, "why do you keep looking at your legs, haven’t you seen them before?"
"I haven’t seen this much of them before in a skirt; I really do think it’s too short."
"If you think that is too short, I don’t think you would like to wear that, moving my tankard towards the bar, to the right of Jenny, is a girl with a skirt that only just came below her sex. I bet she doesn’t sit down or bend over very often! Why are you worrying about your skirt, you know you look good, you looked in the mirror, or are you fishing for more compliments?" She colours most charmingly.
"If so, I still think you look stunning, but what do I know, I’m only a bloke."
"Can we stay here, I know we can’t talk properly, but I would like to listen to the music as well." She takes a sip of beer.
"This isn’t the same, she looks into her tankard, it’s more red, (pause) tastes of spices, (another taste and pause) smoother and I don’t think it’s quite as strong. Have you still got those beer notes? I want to see if I can identify it." I twist round to check the table behind us, there is a copy on there so I ask the lad sitting there to pass it. "Thank you." I pass the notes to Jenny, and she spends a couple of minutes reading then announces.
"It has to be Hobgoblin, it could be Pussy Strong Porter but from the notes I don’t think so."
"Well done, I couldn’t have done that."
"Without wishing to sound at all snobbish, because I’m not, wine drinkers have generally a better sense of taste than the average beer drinker, I think that’s because wine measures are smaller, stronger, cost a lot more in terms of pounds per pint and are a lot more complex in flavours, so you take more time and think about it more." The Bounty Hounds come to the end of a song that I didn’t recognize, and then announce for their last one they will do Matty Groves, a traditional song, again a Fairport standard, and along with a lot of the audience, I join in,
"A holiday, a holiday and the first one of the year,
Lord Darnell’s wife came into the church, the gospel for to hear,
And when the meeting it was done......
.....But bury my lady at the top for she was of noble kin." This gets an extended round of applause, they go off and don’t return. In the comparative silence that follows conversations around us swell in volume, but not to the extent of making us have problems talking.
"That last song they did, do you know all the words, all the way through? "
"Yes, and some of the variations that Fairport put in."
"What do you mean by variations?"
"The verse that goes,"
"How do like my feather bed, how do you like my sheets?
"How do like my lady wife who lies in your arms asleep?
"Upon occasion becomes,"
"How do like my feather bed, how do you like my sheets?
"How do like my curtains I got from Ikea last week?
"Why do they do that?"
"I have no idea, one theory is it might help track bootleg copies, but I think that’s a load of tosh, I like to think it’s to keep the fans off balance when they sing along." Now the Bounty Hounds have finished what will we do next?
"Well we were just going to do the tourist bit, weren’t we? But we haven’t been back to near the Two Brewers yet to get your undies, then wander about, look at a few dances, maybe catch Blackwater doing their last one. We need to finish our drinks first, so while we do that, can you tell me something about yourself, all I know is you are Jennifer, you live in a flat somewhere in Bishops Stortford, your Dad died a couple of years ago and finally you found a crap boyfriend named Dave, oh, I forgot that you have a sister. So how about a potted biography your life in ten minutes, that should leave plenty of gaps and unexplained bits to keep us talking for a fair while.
"Ok it seems fair enough, my full name is Jennifer Anne Saunders, no Ab Fab jokes please, I was born in St Albans nearly twenty six years ago, I am an orphan, mum died in an accident when I was ten, I was then brought up by Dad and my elder sister, Erica, who married three years ago, I am very single, I live by myself in a flat in Bishops Stortford, I am self employed as a property agent, I don’t drive, I like a drink and good food, I don’t do sport, and I have no hobbies."
"That was less than one minute, what did you do at school, any favourite subjects, what did you hate?"
"I hated senior school, I was bullied by the bigger girls after mum was killed, I think because I didn’t get the emotional support and guidance that just sort of filters down from mother to daughter, and I couldn’t handle the pressure to conform to the standards of the rest of my age group, I felt they were wrong, but didn’t know why, I finished school when I was sixteen, with bare passes in my GCSE’s. I got a job as an office girl in an estate agents, I think Dad got that for me, I don’t know or care how, he was always interested in anything that happened at work and because he was interested I was more motivated to make more of it, I went to college for four years of day and evening classes got my qualifications as a quantity surveyor. Mum and Dad always had what they wanted, but Erica and I were always short of funds, if we wanted something we had to save or work for it, Dad said it was to teach us the value of money."
"That takes you to around twenty one, what has happened during the last five years,"
"Not a lot really in one sense, but a hell of a lot in another, once I was twenty one, both Erica and I were taken by Dad to an office in Bishops Stortford where we were given what amounts to a crash course in the financial details and property owned by our Dad, we were both stunned at how much Dad was worth, and an outline of how it was planned to form two property enterprises from the one just prior to or immediately after his death. After seeing the look of shock, fear and worry on our faces, he said that he had no plans to die just yet and that the division of his estate would be revaluated every six months to ensure the division was fair and equitable, and things were set up in such a way that he could run what he called ‘his little empire’ by phone and e-mail etc, so he was going cruising in his twelve metre Bermudan sloop and with so much comms gear onboard if anything did crop up he could handle it. His plan was to go south from the east coast down to Hastings or Rye, across to Normandy, staying within twenty miles of the coast down to Spain, Portugal and into the Mediterranean. Sailing from port to port east to Italy, some of the Greek islands, Cyprus and back home via Malta, maybe three to four years, don’t worry if we don’t hear from him for a month or more we would get postcards etc, and if there was anything important we would hear from his agents. He left in July, and he told us both at his leaving dinner, that he would probably stay a week or so at time at most of the Biscay ports, although the boat was easily capable of riding out a Biscay gale, he liked his comfort and would stay in a marina for the duration."
"We both received postcards every couple of weeks, Erica one week, me a week or so later, I think he did it that way to make sure kept in contact just swapping postcards. It became a bit of a ritual in that every month or so we would meet up in The Red Lion Hotel for a meal, chat and swop cards, we never swopped them back, I still have all Erica’s. He was having a great time, the cards from the French Med coast were usually funny, the Italian ones, usually just scenic. The last few from the Greek islands were mainly in envelopes, and were from clothing optional beaches; the pictures of Dad were carefully posed to ensure no-one could think any dark thoughts about him and his daughters. The next thing we heard, and that was nearly two and a half years ago was that Dad was dead, His boat had motored slowly into a bay off a small island near Crete, it went straight into the bay and stopped when it grounded out on the keel, no-one took any notice until the engine hadn’t stopped some twenty minutes later. When some of the people on the beach swam out they found Dad slumped in the cockpit, the post mortem showed that he had died from a massive heart attack. Despite all Dads planning it still took nine months to get his estate sorted, the most difficult bit, legally speaking, was the repatriation, if that is the right word, of the boat, British boat, Greek waters, a dead body and local laws all combined to make it a nightmare. The legal types Dad had on a retainer earned their money getting it all sorted eventually, and now you have before you a not very poor little orphan."
"Can I ask a sort of personal question?"
"Of course you can, I reserve the right to silence, though"
"Why rent a flat, if you are a lady of some value?" After I few moments the reply comes,
"This is privileged information and goes no further; do I have your word on that?"
"Of course, as Chrissie said, I’m nosey not a gossip."
"Who says I rent my flat? The last time I checked I owned the block, no-one there knows that and I’d like to keep it that way."
"Certainly, what better way is there to keep an eye on your tenants?"
"I’ve finished my drink and I don’t even remember drinking it."
"I’m done as well, are you fit enough to continue the shopping trip." With a nod and a smile we rise, Jenny looks at the girl in the micro mini skirt and shrugs her shoulders, I do my Dobbin bit putting my box on my back after clipping on the tankards; the shopping and my jacket in my left arm, as we enter the hotel proper and go up the corridor, I am sure I see Jenny put a bit of a wriggle on as she walks towards the full length mirror at the end, I smile, blow her a kiss and keep my mouth firmly closed.


Here ends Part 2, part 3 will follow soon, thank you.

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